I imagine my grandpa must feel bitter... Sad.
I imagine that my grandpa may have forgotten how life used to be.
I imagine that he can´t take comfort in who he used to be anymore, after all these years... So I can´t take advice like "Remember him as he were" to heart - that would just be comforting for me, not him. With his sickness, his personality and intelligence remaining - being unable to communicate and reach out to anyone, stuck in a prison of a body for so many years, watching life drift away from the view in a wheelchair - unable to move it yourself.
We should just do our best to ease the remainder of his life. THAT'S what we should do. Not tell each others that there´s nothing we can do, tell each others - in front of him - that he didn´t used to be that way and that he used to be amazing.
HE IS STILL AMAZING. He fought for his life longer than most people could with his sickness - the body usually gives in after 5 years of fast progression - he´s been going for 6 or even more.
I am so panicked... I know it´s close. And I haven´t done what I wanted.
I haven´t had the time to work on my project to communicate with him because of work, taking care of others, because of travelling, because of surgery of my eyes and because of moving. I haven´t had any time at all. I feel pathetic and sad. I keep putting myself in his shoes and I keep imagining the pain, the loneliness, the long, arduous hours, days, weeks and months where you´re just waiting for your family to come visit you. I imagine trying to make my health better by doing exercises - yet knowing it´s futile. I imagine being at the end of your life - complete and utterly alienated by the world in front of you and it hurts. It just hurts.
